kinds of kids

I know that people are individuals, but we can't seem to resist grouping them.  I tend to categorize young children by the methods they attempt to self destruct, putting their parents at wits end.This morning on the news there was a story of a motivated, intelligent, three year old who seemed to decide the dog needed to go for a walk, at 4am...and his parents didn't wake up until 4:45.  All I felt for these parents was sympathy.  I'm glad the child was found safe.  I just hope the community around his household doesn't get too judgy.  For the kid was clearly a Houdini child.

I have a friend who had a Houdini child who enjoyed escaping from car-seats.  He somehow managed to live to adulthood, and is still a very creative soul.  My boy number three had a few Houdini moments,but thankfully this wasn't his lifestyle choice.  These kids are 1)smart,2) extremely coordinated for their age and 3)QUIET toddlers.  This kid being awake when a parent is distracted for five minutes, say cooking or nursing; or sleeping, is a challenge to say the least.   These are the people who put leashes on their kids in shopping centers, and people look at the docile child and feel sorry for them.  Except that the third time mom takes her little escape artist to Walmart with his monkey backpack with strap around the waist duct-taped on, he somehow loses her between the cereal aisle and the canned goods.  Fortunately the child is usually pretty easy to find, being a kid....he'll be up on the second level bike rack in toys.

Also among the ranks of kids are those who are "permanently content."  At first, this seems like a blessing.  This baby never cries.  He's compliant and easy to manage as a toddler/preschooler.  He can keep himself occupied for HOURS with anything.  The real parenting quandaries with this child are when 1) something breaks the child is attached to, 2) one needs to find a form of negative discipline that well, works.  Most parents figure out 1) pretty fast.  If the kid doesn't sleep with it, it can just disappear during the night, and he'll look for it in the morning, then shrug it off and play with something else.  If the kid does sleep with it, well, scrappy will eventually be outgrown or the kid will start preschool and you can pull a switch.  There might be some minor resistance the first night, but after that it's smooth sailing.  It's 2) that sends parents over the edge.  Thankfully, since Mr. Contentment is extremely compliant, the p word isn't really an issue all that often.  I have a teenager in this category, and I merely want him to get his schoolwork done on time.  He's really great overall.  His answer to any small  household request from unloading the dishwasher to babysitting a couple of hours is okay.  We have tried many ways to reach him.
Converstation A:
"Do you have any homework?"
"No."
"What about x class?"
"Done."
"Show it to your Dad then."
"Mom." rolls his eyes and retreats to his cave.

Conversation B:
"How is your project going?"
"Fine."
"When is it due?"
"2 weeks ago."

Conversation C;
"That was a fabulous grade you got on your Divergent journal"
Chesire cat smile from boy.
" How do you think we can apply those skills to some of your other schoolwork?"
"I don't know."

Obviously, talking hasn't worked very well.  Last year we took away his electronics.  The thing is, the kid likes to read.  So we took away his leisure books.  He spent his time drawing.  I can't take away his paper and pencils.  He needs those to do his homework!  His father has this temperment too, and I admit, it makes an easy man to live with.

On the other end of the toddler spectrum is "danger baby." No matter how diligent the parent, it only takes a few minutes nursing a younger sibling, using the bathroom, or some other totally unnecessary task for this child to seize his opportunity. These are the quiet, curious kids! (If they were more vocal, we could head off some of their adventures!)  Boy #3 is the poster child for danger baby.  You name it, he's done.  Pushed up a chair to the stove, loaded a pot with wooden utensils and turned it on.  Check.  Climbed out on the roof, in November, NAKED.  Check.  Cut a vacuum cord with kitchen shears while it was plugged in.  check.  Thankfully that last one had a spectacular enough effect he now checks with us before conducting experiments.

I could go on, but I'm sure you all get the idea by now.  Right now I need to go chase monkey boy.  Bet you can guess what his thing is.

It's 2013? Really.

It's 2013.  That means that Mr. Man and I have been together for sixteen years.  It really doesn't feel like it's been that long.  Today was a day that highlighted why I love my husband though.
He is a rock.  Pretty much unwavering.
I'm more like the waves.  I have a lot more ups and downs.  Today was waaay down.
And what crashed me, was a series of events, including a huge emotional tidal wave mid-afternoon.
The rock was still there when I  came back.

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Let me tell you something else about Mr.Man.  I.do.not.control.him.  I don't change his mind either.
Somewhere along the way in our marriage, many people have stoned the messenger so to speak.
This is because he's pretty silent, and averse to conflict....so even when something bugs him he's reluctant to make waves.  Thankfully, we rarely disagree.  A lot of times, I even bend my opinion to his.  Yet somehow, because I'm the "voice" in the relationship most of the time, occasionally people assume I'm the instigator of all opinions, and that my own come first.  Not so.  I am big fan of submission doctrine.  (That is a post for another time.)
He has a friend who can't believe I buy all his clothes.  He hates to shop.  He's given me very specific parameters about his preferences.  I keep the receipts.  He's happier not to mess with it.
He has a relative who believes I "made" his religious views change.  Uh, no.  They "changed" about eight years before I met him.   It's just before I became his connection, he chose not to make them known, because he.hates.conflict.
Anyone else who has any doubts can eat with us for a week....and then ask my parents about how I felt about tomatoes while I was growing up.
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I still have a lot to learn from my husband.  His constant "what will be will be" attitude would be a good place to start. Not everything that's broken needs to be fixed.  After all, "you can still play with it."

January has almost escaped us

  January is often a down-time month for our family.  A bit of a rest from the hurry scurry that builds up from August through December.  I like having a built in "break" in the family schedule.  It's kind of like having a "sabbath month," if you will.  I do have another "sabbath" month, usually it's June or July....depending on the kids summer camp schedule.
   This morning, Mr. Man went to work to pick up a pager.  I have a rare couple of hours alone in the house.  Normally, this would be energizing, and I would be on a housework frenzy with music blasting...but this is January, and above mentioned man has been sick the last three days.   I am choosing to take this morning to dwell in the quiet, to find balance and restore my soul.
   Dwell in the quiet.  We all need time to dwell in our quiet places.  As a mother of six children, sometimes I almost forget what that is, because children are noise.  Most of the time, I love that noise.  I love hearing them play a game together, working out the rules among themselves.  I love to hear their laughter, the doors slamming in indoor games of hide-and-seek, and the puns flying across the dinner table.  I love the bustle and busyness of it all.  I love their freshness, their enthusiam for the day-to-day, whether it's the roasted brussel sprouts with bacon we had with dinner or that there's a new book or craft kit on the table.  I would not trade my life for any other.
    Even when I do find quiet, rarely do I have time just to dwell/or live in the stillness of the moment, for children are also motion.  Coordinating schedules for a family of our size is almost a full time job.   The quiet in the car after dropping them off is nice sometimes, but I'm still doing, still focusing on "what's next" most of the time.  From the time I pick up littlest man from kindergarten at eleven, the rest of my day is on "go!"  Go to the park so he can work out his wiggles.  Go to the store or the library.  Go home and get snack ready for when the big kids walk in the door.  Go pick up our sixth grader.  Go to rehearsals, scouts, ballet, or church.  Just keep on going.   By the time everyone is settled and my husband and I both have time to stop, it's often time for us to be in bed too.  He reads.  I play games on my phone.  We just relish the half hour or so of just being together.  We dwell.  This morning, I am alone.  It's just me and God.  I need to make more time for just "us" to dwell too.