Last weekend we took a risk.

    I let E1 go to a birthday party with pizza.  It was the first time I'd let him go someplace like that since kindergarten.  He didn't eat the pizza in first grade, but still got sick.  It took him months to fully bounce back.
     I had heard that in middle childhood, preadolescence, sometimes kids like him were less sensitive.  This seemed to be true.  He had managed a couple of carefully managed paper plate, good hand-washing carryout pizza at the end of the party parties just fine, so maybe we could stretch it a little further..So we took the plunge.  He did do better.  It only took about a week for him to bounce back.
      No,  he did not eat the pizza, or the cupcakes.  He brought his own food.  It was just from the grease being spread around and probably picked up on his hands which wiped his face...you get the idea.   He had all the hallmark symptoms of being "glutened" Sunday and Monday.     He almost stayed home from school Monday he felt so bad, but it was Halloween and I was his room parent.  He did stay home Monday night, when he had previously planned to go to another party or trick or treat with his siblings to get them extra candy and earn himself a trade, like picking out a bag of marshmallows.  He hurt.  He was tired.  He was socially sensitized out.
    In the midst of all this, I made a judgement call.  I reverted back to the no high-cross contamination foods in his environment policy.  The experiment from the weekend had failed.  This meant no powdered cheese coatings and no greasy gluten essentially.   I don't mind cookies and cupcakes, but I draw the line at cheese chips (does that stuff ever really get off your hands?)  and on-site beginning of party pizza.   When he's already down, no sense in kicking him again, especially in an environment he had no control over being in, like the school party.   Yes, some parents thought I was nuts and overprotective.   Others, soothed my nerves and came to my aid, reminding me I had nothing to be sorry for.   
    I don't always have such blatant examples, but despite having the disability form from his doctor, and third party testimonials from past accidental incidents from people like teachers and preschool directors, I deal with these attitudes of "let him be normal" or "find a balance.  A little exposure couldn't possibly matter that much" or "how can food change a kid's personality?" so many times I've lost count.  There's pressure from other parents, family members, and well meaning friends to "not be so diligent."    But caving to that pressure gave me a sick kid last weekend, who didn't find himself fully again until Thursday.   There's a reason we have different pans and utensils for GFDF food at home after all.